Trashy Twilight Saga? Ohio County Seems To Have A Drunk Supernatural Creature Problem.

Is Lorain County in Ohio the setting of a real life Twilight saga? Let’s break it down…

Our story starts in Germany. For it was there that Ohio resident Thomas Stroup claims that he was scratched by a werewolf, an encounter that now causes the 20 year old to “go on the attack when the moon’s out”.  That and copious amounts of vodka.

He looks like this But for the purposes of this story...let's imagine that he looks like this:

Now flash forward to a few Saturday’s back!

The moon must have been as high as Stroup, because he was acting positively beast-y! Deputies were called by one of the members of  were-drunk’s wolf pack, who described his friend as acting violent with people and kicking a dog cage at the Timber Ridge campground, where they share a trailer. Unfortunatley this guy wasn’t around:

Deputies found Stroup passed out inside a trailer surrounded by “knives, swords and other edged weapons”, the report said. It’s the other edged-weapons that scare me…what the hell are they, people?

When Stroup awoke, at first he only growled at deputies. When he spoke, his words were slurred and in a thick Russian accent.

He then told  one of the deputies that he was going to kill the deputy’s cousin Keith, but the deputy did not have a cousin named Keith. The officer said he was not too worried about the threat.

While being driven to jail, Stroup sobered up and started apologizing  by stating the obvious- he drank too much vodka and blacked out. He added he was arrested last year by German police for blacking out after drinking too much vodka. Which is strangely the same night he was scratched by that werewolf.

Now here’s where things start getting a little Twilight…cause Jacob Black needs his Edward Cullen, am I right? Enter Andrew Whiteman:

Andrew looks like this.But for the purposes of this story, let's imagine he looks like this:

A year ago police arrested 21 year old Andrew Whiteman, dubbed Count Drunkula by the press, after he was busted breaking into a conveniences store covered in mud and smelling like, you guessed it alcohol. He then told the officers that he was a 100 year old vampire and that he not only wanted to drink the officer’s blood he wanted to feast on their kidneys.

So there you go! A real life Twilight only way trashier and Bella-less.

 

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