ARUBA: Come For The Beaches, Stay Cuz They Can’t Find Your Body [FUNNY ARUBA TRAVEL POSTERS]

I’ve never been to the Dutch Caribbean island of Aruba but it sounds like a lot of fun (if you don’t get murdered). Their Aruba official travel slogan is “One happy island.” Unless you get murdered, then the “happy island” becomes kind of a bummer. I thought I could help Aruba come up with some travel posters that were more appropriate.

Aruba: You’ve got 99 problems, but when you get back from Aruba, a bitch won’t be one.


Aruba: You won’t be able to leave, because they won’t find your body.


Aruba: One happy island, and a bunch of unmarked graves.


I mean, odds are that nothing bad will happen.


Aruba: even the girls on your own travel posters are missing!


Aruba: We’ll be lookin’ for you! At least they promise to look for you if you go missing. Our prices won’t kill you but someone else might!


Aruba: Come for the beaches, stay cuz they can’t find your body.


Aruba: The quickest way to get on the Nancy Grace show.


Aruba taxi service!


Aruba: Don’t just murder, murder right!




Aruba: What happens in Aruba stays in Aruba, especially if what happens is murder. 90,000 friends you haven’t met yet!


Aruba Dutch Caribbean Resorts sound like so much fun!


Aruba: Getting home is half the fun!


Aruba: They’ll never find her body. Netherlands West Indies


All these dudes have lost their girlfriends/wives/dates/platonic friends!


Aruba: The last vacation you’ll ever take!


Aruba is for lovers: Because no romantic getaway is complete without bloody hand prints and used condoms…


Aruba: Our beaches will leave you breathless LITERALLY…


Aruba is for lovers… and murder.

Which one do you think Aruba should adopt as their new official Aruba travel slogan?

READ NEXT: Will Gary Giordano Get Away With Killing Robyn Gardner

I’m not trying to make light of the murders of Natalee Holoway or Robyn Gardner. Joran Van der Sloot and Gary Giordano are cold blooded killers IMHO who need to be punished, but WTF Aruba? Aruba is becoming the Bermuda Triangle of tourists.


A Crime Fit For The Big Screen

God love the New York Post…my favorite trashy mag to read. This week tells of an heiress who owned a “42-room Fifth Avenue apartment, palatial estates in Connecticut and California, fabled jewels, Impressionist art, and a priceless collection of antique dolls.”

Huguette Clark who lived to be 104 and seemed to be positively senile or in some kind of fantasy world. According to all claims she spent just about every waking minute either playing with or talking about dolls. So her nurse, financial adviser and other employees just start dividing her fortune up amongst themselves. We’re talking one guy getting millions of dollars and five homes from his boss. By the time the old gal dies, there’s nothing left for her relatives who are now sewing for some kind of mishandling, though I think cops should be prosecuting for flat out stealing. How can you determine the mental state of a dead lady? How come her family didn’t force them to get her some kind of mental testing when the money started disappearing? Did they really hide it from everybody?

Reminds me of the film “A New Leaf” with Elaine May and Walter Matthau. Her servants and lawyer are all just stealing her money and living off of her and Walter Matthau comes in and cleans house. It’s actually an extremely enjoyable film if you ever get the chance to rent it. I think this one could easily be a big screen comedic tragedy or at least a Lifetime movie.

Do yourself a favor go to YouTube and watch this: it’s a scene from “A New Leaf,” the scene that reminds me of this crime. Watch it from 9 minutes and 10 seconds in, until the end. That is exactly what happened here.

Racism in El Cajon And The Killing Of Shaima Alawadi

So I’m getting all caught up on the vicious murder of 32-year-old mother of 5, Shaima Alawadi. She was beaten uncontentious in her home in El Cajon (a small city in San Diego). She died later in the hospital of her injuries. There was a threatening note left near the body telling the family to basically go back where they came from.

The police of El Cajon told the Los Angeles Times that they are investigating and that they haven’t seen any free floating signs of hostility towards people of ethnicity in El Cajon. I mean look, someone could murder her and try to disguise it as a hate crime. Yes, that’s possible I guess but I grew up in El Cajon. I was born in El Cajon Valley Hospital in 1970 and I did 20 solid years of hard time in El Cajon. I know it might be a different place now, because apparently it’s the home to the second largest Iraqi population in the United States, and it certainly was not when I lived there. When I lived there it was mostly white and Mexican.

One of the things I do remember about El Cajon was A LOT of racist hostility, and hostility toward women. I remember Mexican’s getting beat up for crossing the boarder to find work. I remember tons of racist slurs and comments. I remember lots of crystal meth, food stamps, alcoholism, crime, bikers, occult and a general sense of lawlessness.

It doesn’t shock me at all that this happened in El Cajon, but for the cops to pretend that this place is some kind of suburban utopia where there’s no free floating hostility toward people of ethnicity…I call total and complete bullshit on that.

And again, I’m not saying that it was or wasn’t a hate crime. Like I said…it could be someone in her family who killed her and maybe they’re just trying to make it look like a hate crime, but to pretend that El Cajon isn’t racist, isn’t hostile toward people of ethnicity, is kinda bologna.

Craig’s List’s Latest Killers


I can’t believe we have to say this but apparently some of you aren’t quite getting the hint here.

If you’re going to someone’s apartment to pick up a used TV for $50 – TAKE A FRIEND.

If someone is coming to your house to look at your old sofa – MAKE SURE A FRIEND IS WAITING WITH YOU.

Do not meet up with people in person that you met via Craig’s List – it’s like you’re beggin’ to be murdered.

Case in point…

So this pair of A-holes were running an advertisement on Craig’s List for a caretaker to take care of some plot of land in the middle of no-friggin’-where. They’d hire desperate people who needed money, people with no friends and no family and then lure these people out to bumfucked Egypt – shoot them dead and bury them in a shallow grave. Check out the details in this video:

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Why would someone do this? Turns out it was just for the fun of it…the sport of the kill. I guess we’ll have to wait for the trial to find out.

Over 100 people responded to the add.

Read more about this crime HERE

And if you’re meeting someone from Craig’s List – TAKE A WINGMAN!

Dr. Conrad Murray is GUILTY of Involuntary Manslaughter

I’m sure you’ve heard the news that Dr. Conrad Murray was found guilty of involuntary manslaughter in the Michael Jackson Propofol murder trial. Sentencing will take place on November 29th at 8:30AM.

The Jackson family including: Joe, Katherine, Randy, Jermaine, and Janet were in the courtroom to hear the verdict and Dr. Murray sat stone-faced as it was read.

I wish I cared as much about this trial as I did the Casey Anthony trial.

All The Good Ones Are Taken: Man Kills Wife For Trashing His Star Wars Toy Collection

Rickie La Touche has been found guilty of murder for killing his wife. They had some kind of fight that led to her trashing his collection of Star Wars toys. I think that anybody who’s ever dated a nerd has fantasized about doing that at one point or another. Only this didn’t end is hot nerdy make-up sex like you might imagine.

LA Douche, I mean La Touche was so pissed at the sight of his smashed up Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker toys – that he killed his wife. How? you ask…Did he use the force Darth Vader style? No, he took a pillow and smothered his wife pussy style, and then ran crying (like a true Jedi knight) to his mum’s house up the street.

CLICK HERE to read more on The Telegraph.