Convenience Store Clerk Arrested For Selling Teens Cigarettes After Spanking Them

A 50 year old convenience store clerk was arrested after he was caught selling cigarettes to minors in South Carolina this week. Oh, I forgot to mention that they were allowed to buy the cigarettes because they allowed Terrence ‘Pedobear’ Bryant to spank them.

This criminal mastermind’s evil plan would’ve worked too, if it weren’t for the pesky father of one of the spanked, who found a pack of Newports on his son and was about to lay down his own corporal puinishment. ¬†Naturally the under-age smoker quickly deflected the blame by ratting out the pervy spanker.Other spanked teens soon came forward with the sad, sad tales of their own dumb bartering skills. I mean hello? If you’re giving up your rear for a reddening, I would want the smokes for free! That’s how I did it when I was a kid…anything for a FREE Werther’s Original. Kids today have no game!

Even though teens should be spanked for smoking,¬†Bryant has been charged with three counts of lewd act upon a child under age 16. He is awaiting a bond hearing and deputies say he doesn’t have an attorney yet. I think this high-profile case would be perfect for Mark Geragos.