You might remember Edition Thompson, he’s the 35 year old father of 13 children who plead guilty to repeatedly raping his girlfriends 11-year-old daughter, finally impregnating her. Hello baby #14!
When the word got out and the popo were looking for him, he faked his own death and fled to California. His family held a fake funeral for him.
When the popo finally caught up with him, he faked a heart attack and a suicide attempt.
Sorry ladies, looks like all the good ones are taken, gay, or want to rape your 11-year-old daughter.